Dear life - challenge accepted!

No matter what and how we do, more or less frequently - life confronts us with personal challenges.

I would say that most of those challenges are a test from ourselves to ourselves to see how our personal development is really progressing. 

It is, was it is; we can think all we want, that how good we can deal with situations, how much we have grown, how calm, superior, strong and self-refelexive we are -  but the truth is, that we can only see how much that is the case, if we get into a situation way beyond our comfort zone, where we are challenged to show ourselves if we have not only theoretically grown, but also practically.

The saying: "only if you cross your boundaries, you will be able to become better"     (it's a German saying, but I guess you all can understand…) is very appropriate.

For instance, last weekend I went to a Black Metal concert, it was a great evening, we had a blast, took tons of pictures with our iPhones, until someone "head banged" my new iPhone out of my hand. On the flood, screen cracked. Damnit!

Oh well, I picked it up, looked at it, shrugged my shoulders and continued having fun. 

You know that I always preach to everyone: "Don't get upset when you can't change it"… and "Getting upset and angry just makes everything worse, you are just getting other people worked up too, …and think what the the snowball effect of negative energy will do to you…" and specially: "Will this matter a year from now?" - if not, forget it and save your energy for something that is actually worth it!!!

So I really couldn't be bothered of my screen to be broken. It is fixable and cost 90 Euros, stupid, but shit happens. And it's only money. Plus I have proudly discovered about myself, that I am actually capable to follow my own advice not only in theory, but also in practice. 

So good so far - Dear life - challenge accepted, task fulfilled and managed- proud of myself. Especially that I really wasn't bothered about the phone. Really not. 

But then the other challenges came upon me. The ones where you can be all the developed and composed, in control, positive, brave and supportive you want, but even with all that, you can not change the situation. 

You can not change the f****** situation. You can only distribute strength and positiveness, support and love. And that's it. That's all there is. And that's a case where you can answer the question: "Will this matter in a year from now?", with yes!

I have to admit, that I have't come upon a challenge like this in a while. *Sigh*

What happened was the following: At the same weekend, my cat Pimpie started to have the cat flu (can be fatal for kittens) and also a heart condition, and our dog Marley had to go to hospital for what first looked like a stomach flu…. which turned into an emergency surgery because they have found a dog shoe in his stomach (he had to wear because he was biting his paw) that went missing 3 weeks ago! Not bad enough, the damage from the shoe was so bad, that the vet said, she doesn't know if he will survive. Less then a 50% chance. A three and a half year old dog. Who ate a doggy shoe. Really?!? Dear life, hows that fair? Is that really a challenge you have to put upon us? We are good people, we help, we are generous and positive, we love and support…. Seriously. 

I mean, of course I'm learning from this situation, mostly it's the "gratitude-lessons". Don't take anything or anyone for granted, don't take health for granted, appreciate and be grateful for what you have, while you have it!

Don't search the fault- or blame someone, don't get angry at all - ain't helping (as it never is and never was and never will be...). 

Anger is just rerouting all energy into destructiveness and that's the last you need in any situation.

We cried a lot of tears the last weekend and hoped and prayed, remembered and wished.

I am deeply moved and proud and to tell you, that sweet Pimpie is back to normal and that Marley is home from the clinic, with a 40cm scar on his shaved belly, he is such a strong fighter, he wants to live and he will!

We were waiting anxiously for him to poop, and he did! I think tonight we will happily celebrate a small turd of doggy poop. :)

If you would have ever told me doggy poop would make me cry from happiness I would have not believed you, …

Yes, Dear life - challenge accepted!



I have to admit, that I haven't thought about Soul mates in quite a long time -(Yes, shame on me!) Being busy traveling the world, being a photographer, attending exciting social events in the crazy city of Berlin, doing Yoga and loads of sports, maintaining my relations to my amazing family and friends all over the world… going thru brief periods of dating here and there, dealing with my own and other peoples issues, feeling happy and fulfilled doing what I do and how I do it.

I am very self-reflective, and the saying: "It always takes two to tango" is the first thing that I have in mind, when I'm getting myself into an unfavorable situation. I am very supportive, forgiving, gentle and positive with the people around me - I always try to help, listen, advise, provide and give, no matter what.
Every situation that is hard on me, I take on gladly as a personal challenge to grow and overcome my own limits. I never get angry, pissed or yelling anymore. I try to take responsibility for my own actions and words, I try to choose my words wisely and to be conscious about my thoughts and feelings. I take it even one step further: I don't fight anymore. (I know I sound holy now, but that's who I try to be, sometimes more and sometimes less successful. Saving my energy for important stuff that actually matters, not wasting it for instance on yelling in traffic, nursing grudges, making others feel guilty,… and all that nonsense.)

Doing all this, being really busy, but happy I realized today, that I long for one other person that does and thinks the same as I do.
Yes, of course I have Soul mates around me, but no one on the same level and the same quest at the same time.
Right now I'm a left side boot, pairing up, with right side high heel, a ballerina, an UGG boot and a flip flop.
My mom would be my absolute soulmate, and my brother, my best friends Katy and Jenny - I am mating souls with my entire indian family (love them dearly, they are so genuine and amazing they make me proud to be part of this family every minute I spend with them.)

On the one hand, I am not sure if I should feel guilty for "forgetting", on the other hand I also know that you can't look for a Soul mate. He or she will just stand in front of you very unexpected at a ridiculous place and a strange time. My theory with soulmate encounters is that they have to be off (at least a bit) in time, place and space, because it makes it easier for us to recognize them. I also believe that we have to earn those encounters.

What makes you know that you have met a Soul mate?
You just know it, because something will be different. The intensity of connection will also be on another level.
No matter of if you have a romantic interest in the person or not, alone their physical presence will have a strong impact on you; in my opinion the pure thought of the Soul mate will make you feel very calm, structured, everything makes sense, it even helps you to make decisions that you weren't able to get your head around a minute before you met them. From one second to another, you feel the strong urge to become a better person. Everything makes more sense. Everything.

Oh, and VERY important! Some people might think that every person has only one soulmate in their life! NO! Not true! That would be dreadful. As dreadful, as the thought that you have only one big love in your life. Also NO!
We meet people on so many different levels of love and friendship… think of it,
every "falling in love" is different to all the other "falling in loves" before. Every love feels different. Some people you meet and you immediately want to commit to, others you love so much for so long but you could never ever completly commit to….

I'm still lost in my thoughts for now, and I leave you to yours.


Lost in travels, in space and in my desires...

Remember, that I was writing about Truly Belonging last week in New York. Truly belonging is one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.
America is the country that repeatedly makes me feel that I belong.
It is almost like being high... walking around with a silly grin on my face. Just feeling happy, lucky, everything makes sense, inspires me, gets me, makes me a better person.
Every step I take lets me discover something new, someone new, and every discovery is like a puzzle piece adding to my idea of my ideal.
Talking about my ideal, ... Our ideals.

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Do All Things happen for a Reason?

This morning I missed my Yoga class by 3 minutes… I came out of the subway and walked in the wrong direction. It was still dark (6.45am), raining and incredibly windy, I had my hood on, did't see much.
I asked a guy which street Christopher Street was, he pointed it out and I just started walking... it didn't appear to me, that the street might not go only East, but also West. When I realized I was not getting to my Yoga studio, I had walked at least 5 blocks in the wrong direction. Sigh. I ran all the way until I got to 6th Av and 10th St. I ran upstairs, but the doors were closed. Damn!

Instead of getting pissed and angry, I decided to buy paper and a pen, get a coffee, sit down at Starbucks and write my daily entry about what just happened… and simply hit the next Yoga Class instead of going home.

I believe neither in fate nor in coincidences. I believe that everything that happens to us is created by our own thoughts, dreams, wishes, fears and insecurities.
In every situation in your life you can decide if you are reacting positive or negative. And whatever direction you go for, is what you will attract and create for yourself.

When you spend a lot of time with being negative, worrying, complaining and dwelling in your fears, you will be constantly confronted with them. You are feeding them with you time and your energy keeping them present. I think that our thoughts create our lives and that you will attract what you think about -  equally important, what you speak about.
If thoughts create our lives, then words are the only way of communicating our thoughts. Think of it, you can not focus on what you want and be happy, love, make others happy and in return being loved - when you are complaining, negative, fearful or angry.

Today it seems to be so much easier to complain and be negative, because a lot of people connect through their negative experiences. Negative experiences seem on the first view to have so much more depth then positive experiences do. As well as negative people seem to be so such deep and soulful people. When they open up to you with their drowning stories and frustrating live experiences you often feel honored for their trust and feel the urgent need to help them and make them feel better.

And on the other hand a positive, happy person might seem shallow. Specially when you never thought about this topic. I speak from my own experience. Trust me.         But it takes so much strength and containment to be happy, loving and positive at all times - versus blabbering complaints out all day long, infecting other people with your negativity.

So lets say, if you are mastering being a positive person, giving out love and happiness, knowing what you want, having dreams - it would mean that you can create your life with your positive thoughts in the exact direction you want it to develop.
For you future wishes and dreams to come true (please don't forget that your wishes are always intertwined with the wishes of other people) the universe has a whole lot of shifting to do.
And maybe sometimes you don't understand what is happening and why, because a situation seems to turn bad for you (missing a train, or a class, getting lost, coming late, have someone yell at you, … ) but in the truth the universe is doing all that shifting to get you what you are wishing for.

I missed class today, that's why I wrote this entry, I had a fantastic class a bit later, had an interesting conversation with Meagan and Alyssa, got my eyebrows threaded, gave a homeless my last 2 dollars, had a laugh with a man on the street and complimented a girl in the subway.

So, do all things happen for a reason?

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When you know that you Truly Belong

(an acknowlegement to a city and everyone in it)

Oh boy, where do I start? I have have the feeling if I don't write something my head is either imploding or exploding shortly.  The City of NY and I have a very honest and genuine love relationship. "How's that possible?" are you asking - and to be honest I kept asking myself the same question over and over …  until I decided to just appreciate this fact and be grateful for it.
Since I stepped out of the plane and touched New Yorker ground everything keeps falling into place. Encounters I have,  friends I see after a long time or I'm actually staying in touch with or friends who are visiting at the same time, "coincidences" that are happening, how I find everything I need - when I need it,  inspiration I get, things I learn about myself (physically and mentally) and what I learn about others and not to forget the power, determination, focus and inspiration New York (and the people in it have to offer).
On this trip, I have already met so many people who I haven't seen for longer than 5 years and amazingly it feels with each and everyone like it's just been yesterday.

At the moment I prefer Moksha Yoga over Bikram, and I am going to this very nice studio in Greenwich Village. The Yang Yin Class I took today was probably one of my favorite classes so far.
So I am having a tea after I took a shower, watching people, listening, feeling relaxed, calm, happy, healthy, balanced with a soft smile in my face that feels like it is coming from my inside.

I am looking around and I have the certainty that I truly belong.

Thank you City of New York for loving me so passionately back.
And thank you people in New York (New Yorkers, visitors, friends, everyone)
for making me feel the way I do!

I <3 you


The Myth of the Perfect Man

My dear Ladies,
I - or better we have to talk about men today. Why is it that most of the ladies don't believe in the perfect man? I hear things from you, that I don't really understand...f.ex.: "The hot and handsome ones are assholes and machos" - "You'll never have a good looking man for yourself", - "Sunny boys are all cheaters…." !? And what I understand even less is: out of this deep-routed silly-a** prejudice some of you think you have to date non attractive man…. Really?!?

(I understand where this is coming from - and I headed this direction already for the obvious reasons.
It didn't take long and I could count from 3 backwards until I was mentally slivering over every six-pack in gym, I had to swallow hard over every biceps passing by and had to pull myself with all my mental strength out of my ongoing sex-daydreams - apart from the worst: Being with my nice but not hot boyfriend in bed, catching myself imagining it is my aunties hot gardener or my yoga teacher or my hot ex-boyfriend… disaster! And if you think now you can handle better then, me- go ahead and try. Make your own experience, but don't forget to let me know how it went!)

Maybe you can answer this question for me: Just because you are all beautiful and hot woman, does that in return mean that the gentlemen can't trust your honesty, truthfullness and sincerity either? Do we have to be unfaithful macho-man and macho-woman just because we all look fine?
Don't you think just because beautiful men have options, that they never wanna be with the one other person, building a team, or a family, having someone to share to love and to trust?

I am in the very lucky situation (and yes, I am aware it is an outstanding one) where I can tell you proudly, that I find myself surrounded by perfect men. Yes, that's right... Mexican, Indian, Pakistani, German, Columbian and American. (And to answer your question right away - no, I am not sleeping with all of them.) All beautiful and hot and genuine and smart and good to talk to and to chill out and ask for advice and rely on, …

Ladies, please stop categorizing men… there is always a fair mix of everything. (I'm not saying that hot macho-a***** don't exist, but they are not all the same).
Look, how can you find what you don't believe in? Right, you just don't- you can't see what you don't believe in. Or different: How can a hotnhadsome guy like you and be genuinely interested in you when you don't think he's capable?

Ladies, please believe in the perfect men, they are out there.
I promise!

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January 24th, New York City, You know you want it!

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Yes I know I want it, you know you want it, we all know we want it, ...this is very important. But I wonder why people keep forgetting what they want? I hear a dear friend of mine constanty complaining, pointing out the negative, talking about his deseases, using very strong language, calling himself, an idiot, ugly, and god knows what not... A lot of my questions will be answeres by sad or negative storys, and when I try to tell him, he says: "Why are constanty supervising me?" Knocked out. Done. Nothing more to say. Appologizing and shuttig up.

3 important lessons learned yesterday:                                                                      Number 1. You can only help to improve who is open for it, otherwise you end up being misunderstood.

Number 2. Using strong language like shit, fuck, horrible, terrible, disgusting, shocking, idiot, asshole tbc..... is just creating more situations for you to keep using these words and feeling that angry. See it this way: if our thoughts create our lives, then words are the only way to communicate our thoughts, what are you doing to yourself (and others) using strong and negative words? Be concious using your words.

Number 3. "You know you want it" don't forget that! Think of what you want , visualize it, share your dreams, positive experiences, make compliments, smile, be gentle and remember if you get angry: "Does this matter a year from now?" If not skip it, smile and save the enerygy for something that's worth it!

So, I'm off to Bikram to neutralize myself! Have a wonderful day!